’s Disposition Is Righteousness and Even More Love
by Fang Xin
(from Shimenzhai Church in Qinhuangdao Small District, Beijing District)
Since I accepted God’s end-time work in 2007, although outwardly I had been busy in performing duty, I hadn’t given my heart to God and had often been overwhelmingly bound by some family affairs. Whenever I thought of my daughter who was already 30 yet hadn’t found a suitable boyfriend, I had complaints against God in my heart; my son just played around and wasted money rather than earned money, and I complained about it; my husband’s foreman didn’t pay him for his work, and I complained about it. Complaining against heaven and earth, I often misunderstood God, as if God had been too unfair to me. Therefore, I lived in darkness and suffering. But I didn’t know to seek God, and was completely ignorant of the extent of my being in danger; I was only struggling in miseries helplessly. However, God had thorough knowledge of my state, and he called me and saved me in his unique way, so that I awakened from my dream and broke away from satan’s afflictions.
On August 1, 2012, it rained very heavily. The water in the river rose rapidly and overflowed the bridge, with one wave after another. The situation was very dangerous. After having a meeting with the new believers in the morning, I rode home on my electric scooter. On the way, I needed to go across a bridge. When the front wheel was just on the end of the bridge, I wanted to speed up and rush across it. I didn’t expect that the current would be so great and the waves so high. Together with my scooter, I was swept away by the flood before I could do anything. I just wanted to cry “,” but before I could cry out, the water had come into my mouth, and I kept gulping water. At that time, I was clear in my heart and mind, thinking: This is my and I’m going to die here. Water kept filling my mouth, and I desperately wanted to cry out to God but I couldn’t do it. Suddenly, my face turned up by chance, and then at the top of my voice I cried out, “ , save me!” Soon, I felt I was like a leaf and floated to a big tree along with the current. I immediately put my arms around the tree and stood up. Then I was especially excited and couldn’t help praying to God silently, “O God! It is you who have saved me. You don’t dislike me for my being filthy and corrupt. You have picked up my rotten life from the verge of death. I’m willing to offer up thanks and praise to you.”
Then, with my arms around the tree, I looked at the river and saw the scene in surprise. God is so wonderful! The waves were so high, and the current were so strong, but God let the current carry me to the other side of the river, which was about 100 meters away from the bridge. After I calmed my nerves, I waded ashore. Then I wanted to look for my electric scooter in the water, but I couldn’t find it, only to see the black rolling waves surging forward.
When I was back home and lay on the bed, I still had a lingering fear of the scene in the flood. One day, I read these words in the brother’s preaching, “If you believe in God’s word, you will believe everything comes upon you with God’s permission.” After reading this passage, I was suddenly aware of this: The disaster comes upon me today, which contains God’s good purpose. God’s purpose not only is to save my flesh, letting me experience and taste God’s almighty deeds in the flood, but also is to purify me and transform me through the disaster. In retrospect, I always lived in the state of complaining against God because of my children and husband and opposed God in passivity. If today I had been washed away by the flood, I would have “dropped” everything such as children, husband, and money. In the face of the disaster, aren’t all these worthless? God arouses me through the disaster and hopes that I will commit my family to God and spend more time pursuing the truth wholeheartedly and pursuing to be saved. This is God’s love for me. If the disaster hadn’t come upon me, I wouldn’t have come before God initiatively, much less returned to God. As God’s words say, “Judging from the present situation of mankind’s living, they still have not found the true human life and still have not seen thoroughly the injustice, desolation, and miserable condition of the world. Thus, if no ‘disasters’ came, most of them would still be embracing nature and still be carefully tasting the savor of ‘human life.’ Isn’t this the real situation of the world? Isn’t this the voice of salvation I utter to people? Why has no one among mankind sincerely loved me? Why is it that people always love me in chastisement and in trials, but none of them loves me under my keeping? Many times I ‘bestow’ chastisements to mankind; they only have a look at them, but do not give heed to them and do not ‘study and consider’ them at such times. So, what comes upon them is only merciless judgment, which is only a way of my working. But it is still for the purpose of transforming people, so that they all will love me.” God’s disposition is righteousness and even more love. No matter what he does, it is salvation to me and he does it just for me to know him, obey him, and love him. Having experienced God’s work and enjoyed God’s grace, I only wish to fulfill my duty as a created being to repay God’s love and satisfy God’s heart, and contribute my share to the spreading of God’s kingdom.